Why Resilience?
&
What CAN it do for me?
What is Resilience?
The Oxford Dictionary definition says that Resilience is: "The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness".
The APA describes resilience as: "The process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress - such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences."
But what does that really mean? Are you born with resilience or do you learn it? Can you get better at it or is this all a hoax? Is this just one more means of everyone sitting around holding hands singing kumbaya? (a question that was actually asked to me) At BHNW we get it! In this hand holding, don't offend anyone society we live in, one more reason to "fit in" or "adjust" can bring a bitter taste to your mouth or feels like just another headache. If that is your impression of what resilience is then here is where we want to dispel this myth and show you how it is so much more than that.
Why is Resilience important?
The truth is that sometimes it is OK to not be OK! It's OK that today "I don't feel strong enough". It's ok to say "I need help" or "someone to talk to". It is not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of stregnth. It's ok to want to learn to deal with all we see and experience in a more positive way, essentially handling the stressors in our lives better. What we learn today are the resources that will be there to help us in the future, when we need them most.
Resilience doesn't come from experiencing trauma or difficult times. We don't learn it after the event. We learn it in the good times, before we need it, so that it is there to rely on in a time of need. Call it the playbook, the little black book, a security blanket, whatever it is that resonates with you.
Long ago people faced life and death challenges EVERY day, but that isn't true for todays society. While there are those of us that will be faced with times that require us to think and act quickly in the face of emergencies, the reality is that on a daily basis that is usually not the case. I don't know about you but I have never come face to face with a Woolly Mammoth that I needed to take down to protect and feed my family. Yet somehow the part of our brain that makes those connections still exists and functions in the same manner.
There is a part of our brain that is constantly alert and on the defensive attempting to save us from the dangers of our world. It doesn't know how to distinguish the difference between a tiny yipping chihuahua and a starving panther on the prowl. Initially it perceives both as the same deadly threat. Over time and with education we learn the difference.
Where resilience training comes in, is teaching the brain to over ride these immediate reactions, slowing down enough to quickly process the information being thrown at it to be able to make a rational calm decision on how to deal with the situation presented. We don't always need to be in fight or flight mode, we can calmly deal with perceived and actual threats keeping our wits about us. With resilience training we can teach the brain to stop over reacting, slow down, and think, so we can make a split second plan to act, not react. We are then able to appropriately deal with the situation with a sense of calm demeanor.
Resilience and the Aftershock of Trauma
Anyone who has ever been in an earthquake knows that the initial shock is unexpected...sudden...jolting...and then it is over. While the initial earthquake can leave you in a sense of confusion and disorientation, it is the aftershocks that cause the most damage! You are aware that they are going to happen but you never know when or how long each will last, always looking out for the "next" one. This brings with it anxiety and a fear of the unknown...the unexpected.
All too often high stress and high adversity careers follow a similar experience and feeling to the aftershocks of an earthquake. The problem is we often aren't allowed to show fear or sadness because it appears as a fault, a weakness. We have a job to do and are expected to do so without a second thought.
The jobs we do face us with more tragic heartbreak and the unexpected than most people will experience in a lifetime. Much of the time those traumas get buried within us as we move from day to day supressing all we see, hoping that they will never find the surface of our thoughts again. Unfortunately as time passes they often return and can feel like an unending battle in our minds. Like an aftershock the memories we experience can come at any time and often do so without warning. We never know when we will remember or how we may feel and react.
To the outside world it appears that we are walking on solid ground, strong and put together, but much like the faulty plates that cause the earthquake, what is unseen is the most destructive. The problem is when we bottle it up and suppress it, because after all it is the profession we chose right?
Just because you are thought of as the strong unwavering "hero" doesn't mean that there isn't a breaking point, a soft spot. Everyone has one and that is ok, but it is what we do with it and how we handle it that is the true mark of strength. It's feeling, caring, compassion, empathy...for ourselves. It isn't a weakness...it's human!
No one wants to be seen as weak! But...as we refuse to deal with what we see and experience, continuously pushing it deeper into the dark crevices of our being, we wedge small pebbles into places they shouldn't be, the ground shifts and the aftershocks occur. How we cope is the true measure...slide down with the landslide or get buried in the rubble.
That is where BHNW steps in and RESILIENCE takes over!
How can Resilience help me?
We all know those people that seem like no matter what happens in their life, they always bounce back and land on their feet unscathed. Those people that always seem to have a smile on their face, a genuine smile. They never seem to waver in their positive attitude and things don't seem to get them down or under their skin. I have often met these people and like most, instantly hate but secretly admire them, wondering how I can be like them. This is what resilience can do.
When we learn resilience we learn how to be calm in the face of trauma and adversity. We learn that we can face the worst fears and come through them standing tall. We experience less PTSD if any at all, not looking back fearful and in shock. We learn to look at challenges and trials as experiences to learn from, not ones that can hurt us.
This is not to say that if we learn and practice resilience we will no longer have struggles and challenges in our lives. Wouldn't that be amazing? Unfortunately that is not possible. Resilience helps us to see challenges and struggles that we used to perceive as mountains as merely ants hills we can now easily step over. We begin to see the world with more optimism.
Over time with training and practice the act of resilience grows and becomes easier. We become stronger and more adaptable to stress and challenging situations. We no longer feel we need to turn to destructive behaviors such as "drinking to forget and bury the past". In otherwords, stress starts to become a thing of the past as we embrace a healthier, happier, and more fulfilled life.